So I was just going for a walk in this park & I saw this tree. I was struggling to take a picture with self timer 😂 I needed a pic because it was so cool. A guy came up to me who works here & asked if I needed help. SO THANK YOU SIR!
He told me about the tree. Apparently the land was gifted from native Americans on one condition , the keep the tree as is. Also he said they tree split at some point but regrew itself. That is a sign to keep picking yourself up when you are down.
Not sure how true the stories were, but it was a nice experience! This tree is over a 100 years old.
The last few pics u can see me struggling haha. No shame in the self timer when your a loner like myself 🤪❤️
Another confession: The last couple years have been pretty tough on me. I always felt like the universe challenged me to be better, so I refused to see myself as a victim. Sometimes I got so stuck going through those challenges that I forgot to have gratitude for all the good things that were happening all around me. I’m really starting to take time to really appreciate the small moments.
Life is always going to have ups and downs, wins and losses, but it’s what we make of those things that make life worth living. And honestly I can say for the first time in years I’m genuinely happy with where I’m at and what I’ve accomplished.
If your into Self-improvement, sometimes you’re always pushing yourself and nothing is ever enough. Take the time to appreciate how far you’ve come. I’m accomplishing things I never thought possible.
When I was younger, I didn’t believe in myself. My angels reassured me every step of the way till I built the confidence I needed. You can achieve anything you want is this world with hard work, patience & gratitude!
HERE IS SOME TEA: YOU DO NOT NEED A LOT OF MONEY OR PLANNING To start a YouTube channel! This is my old bedroom in NJ WHERE I ALSO USED TO RECORD ALL MY VIDEOS LOL. I had an OLD iPhone 7 forever that I recorded these terrible shakey videos on with no camera stand & no equipment. I GUESS MY PASSION CARRIED ME WHERE I AM TODAY. 😂😂 for that I am thankful.
It’s a luxury that people have the ability to have a whole studio and expensive equipment BUT I NEVER HAD ANY OF THOSE THINGS. IT WAS ONLY THIS PAST winter time I was able to update some of my equipment and finally be more professional. 😅😅😅
The point of the statement, don’t like the fear of not affording certain things stop you from pursuing things! I NEVER HAD AN Expensive camera or editing programs. (Now I use an iPhone 11 to record those have 4K quality !!)
FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS A LITTLE ADVICE 🥰🥰🥰 DON’T OVER THINK JUST DO! You never know where life will take you. I want people to remember me as inspiring them to go after their dreams! What do you want to be remembered for? 🥰
PS A LOT OF THINGS YOU SEE ONLINE AND TV IS NOT REAL ITS AN ILLUSION! Trust your gut !
First of all thanks you guys so much for 100k subs on YouTube and 200k on TikTok! I feel so blessed. When I reached this YOUTUBE milestone in may, I never really thought it was that big of deal. Luckily for me some people around me including my sister Stephanie & the person I was seeing at the time reminded me how special this accomplishment was.
I always had a hard time seeing my own success. For me, I can always improve and do better. But someone on Patreon recently thanked me for my hard work & consistency & I really appreciate that because that’s really all it takes to be successful. AT the end of the day, it’s all just numbers, however those numbers represent ALL THE PEOPLE I’ve reached and helped over the years.
Some days I felt like giving up.. I had people that I mentored and care for betray me & “friends” and others try to bring me down. I felt alone in many parts of the process. I took every lesson and kept going! Thank you to the many of you guys reach out to tell me I’ve helped/ changed your life for the better. It honestly hasn’t been easy. But my dream is to help make the world a better place & I am living it. That is what makes all this worth it.
BTW I started YouTube 3 years ago today, I have changed so much alongside you guys.. my mission is to just inspire you all towards your dreams & hopefully I can expand even more!
BTW I moved back to NJ ❤️😊and I am enjoying this fall weather. I am finally feeling like I have the proper support I need in my life. So if you feel alone & overworked, don’t worry there is better days ahead. I am ready for what comes next. How about you guys?!
I think the best talent in life is to trick your brain into molding a bad experience into a POSITIVE LEARNING one. As I shared with some of you guys, IN 2017, I started my YouTube channel after being really hurt by life.. but a series of events in my life brought me exactly TO THAT BREAKING POINT. WE SHOULD HONOR OUR PAIN BUT CHOOSE NOT TO SIT IN IT FOREVER.
I was so unhappy with my life I chose to do something different (create a YouTube video) I couldn’t change what had happened to me, or how hurt I was. BUT I HAD THE POWER TO CHANGE MY LIFE. You can’t turn back the clock, but you can create a future worth living for. And again, painful endings trigger these powerful transformations.
If you are currently going through something, this is you chance to create a change. This is what our angels want us to know. TIME HEALS EVERYTHING!! ++++ I feel recently I had another one of those breaking points that Catapulted important changes in my life! I have the power to transform my life & SO DO YOU!
CONFESSION 3.. let’s talk about CONFIDENCE & BODY POSITIVITY. Where do I begin? I was never a naturally thin person. I was overweight as a child and I was BULLIED!! Sadly, I suffered from an eating disorder when I was 11 (very dark times for me) I got through it on my own..then afterwards, my metabolism was shot so it was hard for me to maintain my weight. My weight has always fluctuated. But I truly began to love working out and eating healthy. (But still I WANT LOVE to enjoy life & food & YOU CAN DO THIS IN BALANCE!!.)
It took many years to repair the damage the media & bullying had on my body image. It wasn’t only till I learned to love myself I was able to maintain weight that I AM HAPPY WITH!! Even though I’ve lost some weight it no longer defines how I feel about myself as a person. Now when people compliment my body I appreciate that! BUT IT took years of time & effort plus just accepting I am naturally going to have thick thighs & there is NOTHING WRONG WITH THIS!
ANYWAYS THE POINT OF THIS MESSAGE: ALL BODIES ARE BEAUTIFUL! This is my message. CLEARLY I AM NOT PERFECT BUT I LOVE MYSELF. Lots of time spent in the gym & working on myself helped my body image- but healing that inner child also does wonders for your confidence! This is the first year I am really getting comfortable behind the camera. IT TOOK AWHILE TO GET HERE!! ❤️
ALSO I’M 5’1 SO I THOUGHT I COULD NEVER “photograph well” ITS ALL IN THE MIND !! YOU DON’T HAVE TO BE A RUNWAY MODEL TO TAKE A GREAT SHOT!
CONFESSION 2: 🥺 SO HERE IS ANOTHER ONE. GROWING UP I WAS VERY WEIRD, ALOOF, INTROVERTED. I was shy and did NOT FIT IN. When I got older I was conditioned to dislike this aspect of myself. People would judge me as “stand-off ish” etc, and it even discouraged me more. I immersed myself in psychology, body language, & spirituality to understand why I was the way I was. Was there something wrong with me? (Myers Briggs says I’m an INFP, that helped a bit) BUT still on top of that now I know I’m also very empathetic and I FEEL EVERYTHING. I am adventurous in my heart, so I’m inclined to take new invites everywhere I go. But I forget how challenging this could be. (Doing long days with people I barely know is really taxing on me)
At times, I have experienced people putting me down etc. that I am “too tired” & “can’t keep up” I am an introvert. (Weekend trips also has resulted in me becoming so weak I get ill) & IT SUCKS I run out of battery really easily, and my work makes me drained. A lot respond with “NO YOUR NOT, YOUR OUTGOING, YOUR SO CHATTY ETC (or they are surprised because they judge me off the few hours I’m out a week/ where drinking is involved there as well because it helps with the sensitive energies)” but what these people fail to see is the work I put into being talkative, presentable, putting on a GOOD show, & over working to make others feel comfortable. (Of course I am chatty with my close friends)
I really wish the world was more understanding for people like me. I like to enjoy the company of others, but sometimes I’m quiet & in my thoughts, vibing. RECENTLY, I WAS LECTURED by someone for being tired on a day out. WTH? (BTW THESE PEOPLE BEHIND ME ARE VERY NICE PEOPLE NOT THEM) Sometimes you can’t win. But I’m happy for the experiences life has taught me.
Final thoughts, it’s okay to be introverted, & tired. You don’t have to be anything, to make anyone happy. I worked really hard to Be presentable and charismatic so I can fit it in this world, but lately I’m just like fuck it I am who I am. Not a lot of people are going to understand me, but I know a lot of you will resonate with this message.
CONFESSION: People sometimes ask me why did I move to Arizona?? Why do I choose to be alone? Etc sometimes I feel people may not understand why we make the decisions we make. Is it our responsibility to answer to everyone’s questions? For those that want to know… I just wanted to heal and find more inner peace. I am what I would call “highly sensitive” to energy and I always have been. Growing up it was hard for me to explain, & very hard for me to fit in. I felt like I didn’t belong on this planet. And I don’t mean this in a “I’m special way” I was always sad & lonely.
I feel lately if you proclaim yourself as an empath somehow that’s a “red flag” to some people. I’ve heard it all and seen it all. I’m tired of explaining myself to people! I want to focus on what I love to do most & that’s help people. I feel a lot of people feel the same way I do. & that’s who my message and work is for!!!! And of course if I have some time left for myself to write, and do what I love & I am happy too.
Since I love helping people, I think I sacrificed a lot of myself in the process. I don’t want to do that anymore. I just want to find happiness. Through this process I really found out who my real friends are. (Not many, but surprisingly an interesting group of people. Thank you guys you know who you are & of course all of you who support me I call you MY FRIENDS)
I always try to spread love and positivity at the end of the day. I’m tired of the people (in my personal life I’m mostly referring to) WHERE nothing is ever good enough. I cut ties and energy with a lot of people. And I don’t really need to explain why. HERE IS TO A NEW CHAPTER WHERE I CAN DO THE BEST I CAN!!
I love you all so much. I don’t say this enough but my YouTube channel gave me a purpose, without all the love and support I probably would of believed the people who tried to call me “delusional” & that I was “crazy” cheers to 25 years of hearing my angels & many more years to come. AND FRANKLY I DON’T GIVE A FUCK WHAT ANYONE THINKS. Cheers!
Love Exists Visions 