CONFESSION 2: 🥺 SO HERE IS ANOTHER ONE. GROWING UP I WAS VERY WEIRD, ALOOF, INTROVERTED. I was shy and did NOT FIT IN. When I got older I was conditioned to dislike this aspect of myself. People would judge me as “stand-off ish” etc, and it even discouraged me more. I immersed myself in psychology, body language, & spirituality to understand why I was the way I was. Was there something wrong with me? (Myers Briggs says I’m an INFP, that helped a bit) BUT still on top of that now I know I’m also very empathetic and I FEEL EVERYTHING. I am adventurous in my heart, so I’m inclined to take new invites everywhere I go. But I forget how challenging this could be. (Doing long days with people I barely know is really taxing on me)
At times, I have experienced people putting me down etc. that I am “too tired” & “can’t keep up” I am an introvert. (Weekend trips also has resulted in me becoming so weak I get ill) & IT SUCKS I run out of battery really easily, and my work makes me drained. A lot respond with “NO YOUR NOT, YOUR OUTGOING, YOUR SO CHATTY ETC (or they are surprised because they judge me off the few hours I’m out a week/ where drinking is involved there as well because it helps with the sensitive energies)” but what these people fail to see is the work I put into being talkative, presentable, putting on a GOOD show, & over working to make others feel comfortable. (Of course I am chatty with my close friends)
I really wish the world was more understanding for people like me. I like to enjoy the company of others, but sometimes I’m quiet & in my thoughts, vibing. RECENTLY, I WAS LECTURED by someone for being tired on a day out. WTH? (BTW THESE PEOPLE BEHIND ME ARE VERY NICE PEOPLE NOT THEM) Sometimes you can’t win. But I’m happy for the experiences life has taught me.
Final thoughts, it’s okay to be introverted, & tired. You don’t have to be anything, to make anyone happy. I worked really hard to Be presentable and charismatic so I can fit it in this world, but lately I’m just like fuck it I am who I am. Not a lot of people are going to understand me, but I know a lot of you will resonate with this message.